Woden Seniors Inc

50 years of providing Community Service to the over-50s of Canberra


Fortnightly News 16/12/2022

Issue 25 of 2022


16th December 2022

   Santa Claus making snow angel   




 23 December – Club closed for Christmas break


16 January 2023 – Club re-opens for 2023


31 March, 1 and 2 April 2023 – our BIG BOOK FAIR





In this final newsletter for the year, it just remains for me to wish all our members and your families a peaceful and happy Christmas and good health and prosperity in 2023. 







Jenny Gregory

Woden Seniors Inc.

PO Box 345, Woden ACT 2606

Tel: (02) 6282 2573

Email: president@wodenseniors.org.au







And the last word….

Don’t let the economists anywhere near Christmas!!



 Effective immediately, the following economy measures are being implemented in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary.

 1.  The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecast, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing a considerable saving in maintenance.

 2.  Two turtle doves represent a replication that is simply not cost effective.  In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned.  The positions are, therefore, eliminated.

 3.  The three French hens will remain intact as current Government initiatives include total appeasement of the French authorities.

 4.  The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option.  An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

 5.  The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.  Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors.  Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of cryptocurrency and high technology stocks appears to be in order.

 6.  The six geese a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded.  It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity.  Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by Personnel will assure Management that from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one.

 7.  The seven swans a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.  The function is primarily decorative.  Mechanical swans are on order.  The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their value for outplacement.

 8.  As you know, the eight maids a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEO Committee.  A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.  The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.  Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.

 9.  Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number.  This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

 10.  Ten Lords a-leaping is overkill.  The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out of work politicians.  While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed politicians in the coming year. 

11.  Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big.  A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line.

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses.  Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient.  If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

 Regarding the lawsuit filed by the Attorneys’ Association seeking expansion of the organisation to include the legal profession (thirteen lawyers a-suing), a decision is pending.

 Deeper cuts may be necessary in future to remain competitive.  Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.